Headlights

Mom, I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why's the power off and I'm fucked up
And mom, I know he's not around
But don't you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah

I went in head first
Never thinkin' about who what I said hurt
In what verse
My mom probably got it the worst, the brunt of it
But as stubborn as we are
Did I take it too far
Cleanin' Out My Closet and all them other songs
But regardless I don't hate you
Cause ma, you're still beautiful to me
Cause you're my mom
Tho far it be from you to be calm
Our house was Vietnam
Desert Storm
And both of us put together could form an atomic bomb
Equivalent to chemical warfare
And forever we could drag this on and on
But, agree to disagree
That gift from me up under the Christmas tree
Don't mean shit to me
You're kickin' me out, it's fifteen degrees
And it's Christmas Eve, Little prick, just leave
Ma, let me grab my fuckin' coat
Anything to have each other's goats
Why we always at each other's throats
Especially when dad, he fucked us both
We're in the same fuckin' boat
You'd think that'd make us close (Nope)
Further away it drove us
But together, headlights shine
And car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go
Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest
So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away
By the state at eight years old
And that's when I realized you were sick
And it wasn't fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged
And I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shinin' in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

Cause to this day we remain estranged
And I hate it though
Cause you ain't even get to witness
Your grand-babies grow
But I'm sorry, Mamma, for Cleanin' Out My Closet
At the time I was angry
Rightfully maybe so
Never meant that far to take it tho
Cause now I know it's not your fault
And I'm not makin' jokes
That song I'll no longer play at shows
And I cringe every time it's on the radio
And I think of Nathan
Bein' placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own
But now the medication's takin' over
And your mental state's deterioratin' slow
And I'm way too old to cry
The shit is painful though
But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
All you did
All you said
You did your best to raise us both
Foster care, that cross you bear
Few may be as heavy as yers
But I love you, Debbie Mathers
Oh, what a tangled web we have
Cause one thing I never asked was
Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
Fuck it, I guess he had trouble
Keepin' up with every address

But I'd have flipped every mattress
Every rock and desert cactus
Owned a collection of maps
And followed my kids to the edge of the Atlas
Someone ever moved 'em from me
That you coulda bet'cha asses
If I had to come down the chimney
Dressed as Santa, kidnap 'em
And although one has
Only met their grandma once
You pulled up in our drive one night
As we were leavin' to get some hamburgers
Me, her and Nate
We introduced you, hugged you
And as you left I had this
Overwhelmin' sadness come over me
As we pulled off
To go our separate paths
And I saw your headlights as I looked back
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance ta
Thank you for bein' my mom and my dad
So, mom, please accept this as a tribute
I wrote this on the jet
I guess I had ta
Get this off my chest
I hope I get the chance ta lay it 'for I'm dead
The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt
I guess we're crashin'
So if I'm not dreamin'
I hope you get this message
That I will always love you from afar
Cause you're my ma

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shinin' in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life